Reconnecting with Myself: The Importance of Time for Parents of Children with Additional Needs
- thefarmingmother
- May 8
- 3 min read
This week, I attended an event that I hadn’t experienced before, despite it being held annually. Before becoming a full-time caregiver to my daughter Mads, I was well versed in networking. I hosted events and maneuvered social gatherings with ease (I’d get nervous but could manage them) the woman everyone turned to for connections and opportunities. Networking was essential to my success in business.
However, in recent years, the demands of supporting Mads and ensuring she receives the care and education she needs have shifted my priorities. Juggling her appointments, running sessions, and managing my business left little time for in-person networking. Most interactions now occur at the farm, where Mads feels comfortable and can enjoy her space, which often leaves me rushing through conversations before she decides it’s her time to shine.
Over the past month, I’ve committed to attending one networking event each month, allowing me to step outside my comfort zone and reconnect with my professional identity. This week’s event brought together over 100 attendees and organisers, and I felt a mix of excitement and anxiety (not helped by an endometriosis flare-up!).
But then came the inevitable wave of mum guilt. It hit me hard, like a punch to the gut. I found myself questioning if I should even be there, as Mads was at home with her dad. For the first time, he was navigating her needs without me, something I have done every day but I know her inside out, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I was abandoning my responsibility as a mother.
For the past five years, my focus has been overwhelmingly on Mads, plus the boys, balancing the roles of caregiver, teacher, and therapist. I managed her needs while pursuing my business, supported countless other families, volunteered, and even running a Community Interest Company, all while handling the day-to-day responsibilities of motherhood.
Yet, there I was, child-free for a few hours, without wipes or nappies in my bag, engaging in meaningful conversations about my passions and the work I do. I connected with incredible organisations, shared ideas, and, most importantly, began to feel a spark of the person I used to be.
Reflecting on my experience, I realised that I am still that person. Wanting to take time for myself doesn’t make me any less of a good mother. It’s essential to understand that pursuing our interests, whether through networking or activities like wild swimming (which I’m also nervous about next week) is crucial for our mental health and well-being.
As parents of children with additional needs, we carry a heavy emotional burden. It’s vital to recharge, reconnect with our identities outside of caregiving, and nurture our social needs. After all, how long can we narrate our days exclusively through our children's experiences, often speaking to animals in our care? Sometimes, we just need that adult conversation over a warm cup of tea.
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This week’s event turned out to be a significant success, leading to collaborations, guest speaking opportunities, and even grants. I was honored to receive shout-outs from fellow speakers, reaffirming my passion and commitment to our cause.
So to all the parents out there feeling the weight of guilt or hesitation about stepping away from your caregiving roles, breathe.
Remember, it’s normal to want to be part of something bigger than yourself; it’s okay to seek opportunities for personal growth. You deserve a moment to recharge, and in doing so, you’ll be even better equipped to support your child. Let’s embrace our desire to nurture not only our children but ourselves as well.
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